Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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