70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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