I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
