is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
