whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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