im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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