you traded sex for a burrito?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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