I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I made him laugh his dick is mine
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
