This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
