Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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