Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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