So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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