after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
