This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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