Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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