i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
