I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
