i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
