don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize