Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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