i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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