I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize