I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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