The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Watching her eat just hurts me
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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