Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
