I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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