Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
