After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
