Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
