I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
