I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
