we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
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She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
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I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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