your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
