I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
