You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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