Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
