I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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