hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
