I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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