why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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