I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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