wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
