Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
