also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
