okay pat passed out under dana's car
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
