I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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