so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
