i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
