if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
