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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
