Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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