She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
