First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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