I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
