just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
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I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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