I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
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I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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