What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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