Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize