woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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