and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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