when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
