Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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