everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
