You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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