Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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