Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
