the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
