Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties