This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dating After Heartbreak
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....