Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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