i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
