I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
