Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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