Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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