Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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