i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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