i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
