I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Who died my cat blue again?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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