So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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