He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize