she told me i tasted like america
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
